THE EMOTIONS OF A FAN.

When Miriam Bulgaru won her semi final yesterday I cried. Because she is my joint favourite active player and I was so happy for her. The two players who always felt all the emotions for were Roger Federer and Simona Halep. Both now retired and tennis feels empty without them. Simona is the reason I support all Romanians, she carries her country with such pride when you become a fan you enter a whole world and embrace it. As a fan, you invest emotionally and financially to support your favourite players. Stream subscriptions, tickets, merchandise, you follow their journeys, they matter to you. I have always said I would prefer Bristol Rovers to win the league rather than England win the World Cup because I have invested so much in that team all my life, I used to have a season ticket, many of my friends and family support them too. It is the same with tennis.

On to Miriam Bulgaru, who I have written much about. I came to know and learn a lot more about Romanian tennis players through Phil Boosey who was, like me a huge fan of Simona Halep, he ran a wonderful Instagram page dedicated to female Romanian tennis players. I think this page put Miri on the map for me. With Miriam I was a fan before I had even watched a match because I followed her live scores and stats in smaller events and I could see what a fighter she was through this and I admired her instantly. I started to do a few posts on Instagram to celebrate her wins, she gently poked fun at me because I foolishly used a wrong flag, but I got a glimpse at her personality and saw another side of her which was really nice and from then I started to encourage her and support her as much as I could. I am no coach or expert but I would give any advice i thought would help her. I first watched a full Miriam match on TV when she debuted at Cluj at the Transylvania Open 2023, she made it through two rounds and I loved those matches, the passion, the energy, she was fearless and explosive, I fell in love with her tennis there and then. I spent the rest of the year trying to watch her as much as I could. I borrowed my friend from football’s gambling website account and gave him a contribution to his deposit just so I could stream Miri’s matches in South America that season.

The Transylvania Open was a new tournament a WTA 250 it was created from Covid and a result of the China tournaments being cancelled yet as normality began to resume and the WTA calendar returned to normal it became in danger of losing its home. However they were able to reschedule it for February the following year, meaning the 2024 tournament would be just five months after the 2023 one. Flights and accommodation were very cheap, I had to go! I was going to watch Miriam Live for the first time, I was so excited, yes I wanted to go to watch the other Romanians, a week of great tennis, to see Romania of course, but Miriam was the reason I was getting on that plane. I brought her a little Postivity Penguin, just as a gift for good luck, I had no idea how significant that penguin would become in later months. The tournament also fell and continues to each year on my birthday which makes it extra exciting. When they did the draw Miriam was to play fellow Romanian Jaqueline Cristian, what a first round! I was so excited, the draw was on Sunday and the match would be Tuesday night! That was a wait! When Tuesday came I was in my seat shortly before 6pm, a coffee in one hand and my penguin in the other, Miriam’s and Jaqueline’s photos were up on the wall, the build up began. But then the announcement, Miriam had withdrawn due to illness, Jaqi would instead play a lucky loser. I was absolutely heartbroken. Positivity Penguin returned to the UK with me but he would always be by the laptop or TV when Miriam played, I tried to work my lunch breaks around her matches and sometimes stayed in the office after work to see the end of her matches.

I had another chance to watch Miriam at the French Open the same year. Originally I was trying to get tickets for the main event but that is becoming harder every year so I settled for the qualifying which was great because I knew I would definitely see her in those matches. Her first round was excellent, a real cracker, rain delays, three sets, match tiebreak, it had everything. I gave her her penguin after her match and spoke to her for the first time. She had to play the second round the next day and with a late finish and not much recovery time. She also played at the same time as fellow Romanian Gabi Ruse which meant the few Romanian fans who were there did not get to Miriam’s match until midway through. Against American Katie Volynets who is a good player and one I respect a lot, Miriam was visibly tired, she fell quickly to a set and 2-5 down yet then sprung to life and pulled it back to 5-5 sadly Volynets crushed the insurrection and took the next two games and the match. I will never forget Miriam’s face as she passed me, so hollow and empty like her soul had been sucked from her body, you do not see things like that on the TV, I tried to talk to her, say postive things about her week but I don’t even think she knew I was there.

I next saw Miriam live at the Iasi Open 2024 on Romanian soil. Again with rain she was delayed, she was moved to another court and started well past 10pm, I nearly missed her, as I was leaving I saw the match was starting on my phone and scurried back. It was a magnificent straight sets win against the second seed, so much energy and sublime shot making, everything that is magnificent about Miriam Bulgaru, I was proud of her and happy to be there that night. She lost the second round but I think the magnitude of the first win was enough to satisfy her because this time when she passed me after the match she smiled which was great because I also like to know if she is okay after a loss.

The final time in 2024 was so special, I had one day of leave left and I took a crazy gamble Miriam would get to at least the quarter finals of Bucharest WTA 125, I booked a long weekend in Bucharest, brought tickets for the quarter finals, semi finals and final and flew out and it was Friday 13th. I could write pages here and have written and spoken about Bucharest so much but basically she won the tournament and she was magnificent. And she signed my Miri T Shirt.

On to 2025, this has been the hardest and most scariest year of my life. I have been to dark places, I have suffered depression and anxiety, have felt suicidal, had two of the most frightening anxiety attacks possible and had a major cancer scare. I again went to Cluj in February already in the early stages of my depression, again I went for Miriam but she failed to qualify and was out before the plane touched the ground (it’s okay she will win it next year). It was in Cluj I really suffered with my mental health, I was doing the things I loved but not able to enjoy them. I got more and more sick, physically and mentally, I made a crazy decision to go to Wiesbaden to watch Miri as I was waiting for test results, I reasoned the weather would be good for me. It was wonderful to see her again and her coach, we talked before and after the match. She gave me her towel and her water bottle to say thank you, I also met Gabi Lee who is, with Miri, my joint favourite player. Then it turned, I had news back from my doctor I had a postive test result and needed a colonoscopy, before Miriam’s next match I was sat in a field and I felt my soul lifting from body, I was unbelievably happy for no reason and then I started to cry because I knew it was not real, I believed endorphins were being released in my brain and convinced myself I had cancer. I tried to watch Miriam’s practice but I could not hold myself together and ran for the shaded area. I waited until the last moment before returning to watch her match, which she lost. And I knew I had to go home. Miriam knew something was wrong and offered me so much support, she said she had medical contacts in London and she could arrange for me to go to a human regenerator session. It meant a lot. I went straight to A and E from the airport. The next few weeks were hard, I moved in with my parents so they could care for me. On the way to the airport in Frankfurt I was in a taxi and had another attack, I could not breathe and felt like I was slipping out of conscious, I thought I was dying. When I was at my parents house in bed, I remembered what happened and all the same emotions and fear came back, I reached for the towel which Miri had given me and held onto it, it instantly made me calm, perhaps it is symbolic of her kindness.

The colonoscopy showed nothing sinister and over time my health improved. I watched Miriam again at the Wimbledon qualifying, where she had a tough first round defeat. When she walked past she gave me an almost embarrassed smile. The next day she asked if I would meet her by the players warm up area and of course I did, she had brought me a gift of strawberries and cream which was so sweet of her. We talked for a bit before saying our goodbyes and I wished her luck for Bucharest. The next few weeks she struggled for form and dropped down the rankings so far she could not go to the US Open which I know hurt her a lot. But these last few weeks she has been magnificent and it has coincided with my return to good health, mental much better, physical needs more work. She has won two tournaments and into another final today. So I go back to the beginning, when I wrote to her after her semi final win yesterday I cried my eyes out, it is like all the emotions of this horrible year came back, Miriam has been such a source of strength for me this year and always. That’s why it matters, that’s why I am emotionally invested, that’s why I will always support her through the good times and bad times. Men do cry and do have emotions and I feel no shame in dropping a few tears for this brilliant player and wonderful person. Never Surrender Little Champ ❤️